The Darkness That Eats

I will keep on going till I can’t go anymore and then just when I feel like I am at death’s door, I will push on further to ensure what life has instore .

Every day seems a struggle.
One step at a time is all I need to fight this devil.
It’s hidden in my smile, though not always in my eyes.
Sometimes I feel alone but I know I am not.

My head and heart battle each other.
I try my best to win the battle before thinking of the war.
It’s so difficult to dig myself out of this hole so I try not to fall in but I don’t always succeed.

I try to be grateful for the life that I was blessed with.
I want to see joy in each day and the good in everything but we are only humans and sometimes get disheartened.
I fantasize about things being different and me being in another world because some days the load feels too much to carry.

I know  there are people who  may think it’s selfish but it’s not easy when the battle is from within.
I try my best to think of my loved ones and how they would feel.
Off course I want to live a fulfilled life. I don’t want to be selfish but I have to be honest about the days when I come really close and it’s only by grace that I hang on a bit longer.

Some days I feel like a winner and some days less than.
There are days when my thoughts scare me but to get myself back on track I have to release what I feel and think inside so I can try and move forward.
I can only keep praying , hoping and being strong. I know I was created to be much more.
To live a healthy life mentally and physically.

My method of healing is to get my feelings out in words , listening to music or remembering that no matter what, this is where I was meant to be at this time.
I keep holding on for as long as I can.
One day, I will be okay.

Depression won’t win.
Until then, it’s one day at a time.

Love & Light

Unconditional Love

This past week has been really tough.
Life isn’t always easy but I am so thankful for unconditional love.
It’s what has kept me going and still keeps me believing that all will be well.
I never knew that so many people could and would choose to show up for me like they’ve done.

If I ever doubted how much I am loved, I now know that I am.
I have always felt at home, safe and well loved in this relationship and this week proved me right.
It’s also an exceptional bonus to feel this love from friends and family.

I want to open up my heart in gratitude and love to say thank you to my support team.
Though the road is tough, with you by my side, I know that I can make it.

I am ready for new beginnings and to hopefully look forward to the future with dreams and desires being fulfilled.

We can’t always walk our path alone and it isn’t weak to need support.
Life is about love, being there for each other and showing up.
Love makes the tough times easier. The days when the tears won’t stop and heart breaks over and over filled with fear, pain and sadness, love picks us up .

Thank you love for picking me up. For the snuggles, cuddles and words of encouragement.

I am so very grateful for love.

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I cried for the motherless child

I cried for the motherless child
I did weep that she never felt your kiss
I felt sad when she needed you but you weren’t here, through the hurt, loneliness and despair.

Now I smile that my child will always know my love
I smile that he will always feel my kiss upon his cheeks.

I know that I will always be here, even when sometimes he doesn’t want me near
I am happy that he will always have me when he feels hurt, lonely or despondent.

Though you’ve never really tried to make amends
In my heart , for you I repent.

I smile because even when you couldn’t show me what love is
Each day I live it, I show it and I breathe in its scent.

But I cry a little for you
For the life you will never share
For the love you will never know
But I am thankful for what brought me here.