My Weakness Becomes My Strength

For so long I have struggled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. 

I wanted to be brave and do things on my own.

I didn’t want to be deemed as weak so for more than half my life I used my writing as the only form of therapy .

You see, my writings wouldn’t turn around and tell my secrets. 

They wouldn’t turn on me and suddenly stop being my friend.

My words would never betray me and I thought I needed nothing else. 
Time has passed. I have grown older and though my writings are still the biggest part of my healing, I accept the fact that I also need much more.
It’s much more difficult to stay on top of things. 

I am not just wanting to live the best life possible for me, but I want to be the best partner and friend. 

I want those around me to feel my light, my love, my joy and share in my laughter.

I no longer wish to be controlled by my moods, guilt or shame.  I no longer want to feel scared, anxious and angry , not understanding or being able to express what I am going through. 

I want to know and understand who I am.

I want those around me to be happy  in my presence.

I have gotten so much love and support over the past few years even when I haven’t given my best. 

I want those demons to flee and no longer live in my head.

I want to find release and freedom.

I don’t want to lie awake with thoughts of suicide plaguing my mind. 

So many nights I am scared that I won’t make it till morning and it’s a battle because I have to think of my loved ones and how this would  affect them. Most of the time that’s the only thing keeping me from going over the edge.  

I don’t want to be scared because I can’t control my moods.

I want to be the light and live in the light. 

So today , I choose to start over and to accept the help that I need at this time. 

I need it for my sanity. I need it so that my days won’t end prematurely.

I want to live for as long as I was intended to. 

I choose to live not just exist. 

Today I choose to let everything that has made me weak, be my strength and building block. 

Today I start over because my life matter to me and those around me. 
Love & Light

Teach Me How

Teach me how to get up when I fall down.
Teach me how  to be strong when I am weak.
Teach me how to be brave when I become fearful.
Teach me how to have hope when my hope is dwindling.
Teach me how to hold on for longer when I am about to fall off.

Teach me to be a better person.
Teach me to be the goodness I search for in others.
Teach me to be the love I crave from others.
Teach me to always find my truth.
Teach me how to keep on the path designed for me even when the odds are against me.
Teach me to forgive myself as much as I forgive others.
Teach me to love myself as I love others.
Teach me how to build myself even after breaking into a million pieces.

May I always find a way to be whole again.
May my spirit be forever strong.
May circumstances not cause me to lose faith.
Teach me to look upon life with eyes of love and hope that whatever life I live will be a fulfilled and happy one.

Teach me to always find the words in my heart to acknlowledge how I feel.
Teach me how to live life well and find true freedom and peace .
Teach me how to pray that I may learn how to heal.

Amen

The Darkness That Eats

I will keep on going till I can’t go anymore and then just when I feel like I am at death’s door, I will push on further to ensure what life has instore .

Every day seems a struggle.
One step at a time is all I need to fight this devil.
It’s hidden in my smile, though not always in my eyes.
Sometimes I feel alone but I know I am not.

My head and heart battle each other.
I try my best to win the battle before thinking of the war.
It’s so difficult to dig myself out of this hole so I try not to fall in but I don’t always succeed.

I try to be grateful for the life that I was blessed with.
I want to see joy in each day and the good in everything but we are only humans and sometimes get disheartened.
I fantasize about things being different and me being in another world because some days the load feels too much to carry.

I know  there are people who  may think it’s selfish but it’s not easy when the battle is from within.
I try my best to think of my loved ones and how they would feel.
Off course I want to live a fulfilled life. I don’t want to be selfish but I have to be honest about the days when I come really close and it’s only by grace that I hang on a bit longer.

Some days I feel like a winner and some days less than.
There are days when my thoughts scare me but to get myself back on track I have to release what I feel and think inside so I can try and move forward.
I can only keep praying , hoping and being strong. I know I was created to be much more.
To live a healthy life mentally and physically.

My method of healing is to get my feelings out in words , listening to music or remembering that no matter what, this is where I was meant to be at this time.
I keep holding on for as long as I can.
One day, I will be okay.

Depression won’t win.
Until then, it’s one day at a time.

Love & Light

Your shackles won’t restrict me.

I’m sick and tired of your excuses, your reasoning, your half arse explanations of how YOU think I should live my life.

Yes you, what justifies your reasoning? Where do you get off trying to dictate every move I make.

How can you say and preach of love when your action spells hate. How can you spread love , when you merely tolerate.

You think you understand things you know nothing about. You try and take Kingdom come from others, not living the will be done on Earth.

When you see me walk the streets, you let me be.
When you see me smile walking hand in hand with my head held high and my heart so free, you let me be.

May you open your eyes and look beyond your eyes, maybe then your heart will understand what your mind fails to.

I’m the mean time, let me be.
These chains you’re trying to put on, they can’t fit me because I AM FREE!!

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Input Equals Output

I’ve heard these sayings ever since I can remember that, “What you put in, that you get out,” “What one seweth that he/she shall reap”.  The list goes on, but you catch my drift.
This life is about effort,  passion,  ambition and inspiration as much as anything else. If you want something,  don’t go after it halfhearted, half doubting.  Believe in your cause, your purpose, your fight and unleash that desire upon the universe.

Focus, focus, focus. That is the key. Don’t get distracted by those silly voices. They’re just afraid of your potential. Know that you CAN and be willing to work towards your goals and dreams. Stop complaining and be grateful for what is. Give thanks that you are blessed with an opportunity to make something of yourself. You may not have all the tools but you have the key ingredient that you need for RIGHT NOW, if you can stop to appreciate and be grateful.

There are many things in life that cause one to lose focus and not see the good that is also happening. It’s easier to complain and be the victim. The poor me complex, the nothing good never happens to me, we are cursed.
No!!! Bloody not!
Get up and claim your victory.
Start off by being thankful for just one thing a day and then keep adding to the list. We aren’t victims of this life. We are the captains, leaders and visionaries so why keep selling ourselves short?

Joy, laughter and love depends on our mindset.
You wait around for people to love you? Love yourself, embrace everything about you. Spend time helping others, showing love to those in need and that love will multiple its way back to you.
At times, a little less me centred does wonders for self pity.
Depression is not to be taken lightly that is why we have to dig ourselves from that dark hole and stay afloat. Be present, keep holding on.

There will be storms and shaky grounds, but stand firm, be flexible.
Sway with the wind but know where you’re headed.
All is never lost.
Sometimes all we have is starting over.
Don’t be ashamed to get back up.
You’re worth it and you owe it to yourself to live your best life NOW.

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Posted from WordPress for Android

Dark days, long nights

When emotions are high and smiles are scarce.
When you feel you’re going nowhere and a bit depressed.
When plans you want to make don’t seem possible.
When days are dark and nights are long.
When you don’t feel inspired and nothing seems to be going right.
When you don’t feel adequate and confidence is low.
When your well of optimism seems quickly depleting.

There are days like this
Nights like this
Moments like this.

Keep holding on.
Keep the faith.
Keep repeating your positive thoughts.
Find at least one happy place.
Reclaim your power and feel all negative energy disappear.

Keep going
Keep feeling
Keep doing
Don’t stop
Move with the world
Everything you need is within you.

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Optimism through Adversity

It gets somewhat difficult to remain optimistic but optimism is what makes us go on . Today may be dark and gloomy, but hold on for better days. Worrying adds nothing but anxiety to the day. Let your intentions out, do your BEST and release it into the universe.

Life, undoubtedly is filled with challenges. Sometimes it seem much easier to sit in a corner and sulk, but that’s not productive. We can’t all go around on ‘cloud 9’ all the time. Even the greatest of speakers fall into depression. The key is to keep moving, keep doing, keep focused.

We’ve got to own our feelings and then move on. Don’t run away from them, nor feel guilty. Feel it, then decide a way forward.

Life teaches us how strong we are. We are, but it’s hard to see through all the bullshit. Keep going when they say you can’t. Keep going when that job seems out of reach. Keep going when there seem to be no way. Keep going when friends are few. Keep going when bills are due. Keep going when you feel at your worse. Keep going when no one thinks you can because it’s all you’ve got.

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone