The Darkness That Eats

I will keep on going till I can’t go anymore and then just when I feel like I am at death’s door, I will push on further to ensure what life has instore .

Every day seems a struggle.
One step at a time is all I need to fight this devil.
It’s hidden in my smile, though not always in my eyes.
Sometimes I feel alone but I know I am not.

My head and heart battle each other.
I try my best to win the battle before thinking of the war.
It’s so difficult to dig myself out of this hole so I try not to fall in but I don’t always succeed.

I try to be grateful for the life that I was blessed with.
I want to see joy in each day and the good in everything but we are only humans and sometimes get disheartened.
I fantasize about things being different and me being in another world because some days the load feels too much to carry.

I know  there are people who  may think it’s selfish but it’s not easy when the battle is from within.
I try my best to think of my loved ones and how they would feel.
Off course I want to live a fulfilled life. I don’t want to be selfish but I have to be honest about the days when I come really close and it’s only by grace that I hang on a bit longer.

Some days I feel like a winner and some days less than.
There are days when my thoughts scare me but to get myself back on track I have to release what I feel and think inside so I can try and move forward.
I can only keep praying , hoping and being strong. I know I was created to be much more.
To live a healthy life mentally and physically.

My method of healing is to get my feelings out in words , listening to music or remembering that no matter what, this is where I was meant to be at this time.
I keep holding on for as long as I can.
One day, I will be okay.

Depression won’t win.
Until then, it’s one day at a time.

Love & Light

A Casual Conversation

An unexpected cold has come on from nowhere really.

My head is so stuffy and my nose and throat feel like they are on fire.

My body feels a bit weary , yet my mind is busy, busy going many miles an hour so I’ve decided to slow down for a bit and listen to my body.

This week found me trying to re-evaluate things, reconnect , reflect, do some soul searching  and  a bit of tweaking.

My life these days is filled with finding my creativity and coming up with worth while projects to benefit those I come into contact with.

It’s not always easy and there are always many ideas and sometimes no direction or sense of implementing them.

It can be a bit frustrating when you want to do so much , yet resources are so limited.

Nevertheless, the show must go on and dreams keep coming.

This week I thought I would take a chance to de-clutter my brain and try to find clarity with many things.

There is work, there’s family, relationships, friends, hobbies, dreams and ideas all needing nurturing.

There are many subsets to these compartments in life.

It’s nice to be free and go with the flow, but then one also needs discipline and deadlines to achieve anything.

I figure this is where it begins.

If I want to write, then I need to write more and be consistent.

To maintain relationships, one must find time to ring, text, email and or visit, as time goes quickly leaving room for regrets and ‘what ifs’ .

If I want to be more creative, then I need to open myself to more ideas, different ways of doing things, be open to change and be brave as I allow myself to explore.

There are dreams and aspirations and all those little things that become big things when they drive our passion and desires.

Life is about balance, about love, about looking after ourselves.

This brings me to a new focus which is nothing to do with crazy dieting, but well balanced health.

Eating and drinking right, having enough exercise and sleep.

At this point, sleep is not as straight forward for me as it could be.

I have always had this love -hate relationship with sleep where I love it and would sometimes like more of it especially at nights but it is quite the opposite.

I am a nocturnal person and it can be very difficult to go to bed at a decent time but I do try .

When that doesn’t happen, I try to use my time wisely and productively to create, dream, build and find ways forward.

I know that I only have one body, and as I grow older and hopefully wiser, I appreciate life a lot more than I ever did before.

All the simple things in life make me happy.

I am being more of who I am and I worry less and less of what others may think.

I am more considerate and compassionate.

I am finding my inner child again and dreaming big once more,

I see people for who they are and enjoy trying to get to know and understand them.

I am much more open to other ideas and ways of thinking.

I can listen without imposing my point of view .

I don’t have to argue just because I disagree and this is making life much more easy for me.

I embrace this world , its people, all of creation and I embrace me.

I know this may have been all over the place today and I apologise if I bore anyone but it feels so good just emptying my brain.

With  much love and light

until next time.

Poeticlibran

xx

Ageing

As time passes and we begin to understand who we are better, there is less effort spent in worrying about other people’s perception of who we are and more of doing what pleases us individually.
Slowly, we regain that child-like and carefree manner that makes us happy.

You see, this journey is a lot about being who we are, learning from experiences,growing, changing for the better, being intuitive and becoming wiser. It’s less about what people think of us, What we wear, What house we live in and how much money we make. Each one has his own path laid out, so it may mean having to rewrite a story while others are happy enough to live out what plans that is perceived to have been laid before them. Some of us continue to dream and recreate, some of us think it’s no use dreaming.

Whatever happens, age affects us all differently. Are we waiting for the Kingdom to come, or are we willing to make heaven here on earth. Is happiness a thing of dreams or are we willing to live life as oppose to just existing?
Do we learn and improve from experience, or keep repeating mistakes and methods just to have the same results.

To grow older is a privilege. Older in thoughts, feelings , experiences and wisdom…not just in number.
What does ageing mean to you?
Do you embrace the changes or get upset by them?
Do you look back and reminisce about old times while the present passes by?
Do you hope for things as they were or regroup and move with the times?

The things I have learnt along the way are very relevant and as I grow I see things in a different light. Some views may change, some may remain the same and some things will have totally new perspective. It doesn’t mean that you are being swayed or losing your way. It means you see things more clearly for what they are and the era we live in.

So maybe it’s time to complain less about this generation and share experiences and life lessons that will positively impact this one and the next. My philosophy on life is to not complain about problems for have possible solutions. Be part of the solution not add to the problem.
Every age, every era, every generation contributes to the next and can work neatly into the next even with the inevitable changes.

lets see less wrinkles, less greys, less frailty and speak more of what we can do to improve, rather than the same old “In my days,” phrase that gets lost on the ears as moaning and begrudging.

Let’s all age gracefully.

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Diary Confessions

Diary Confessions – Chapter One.

Seeds Of Hope

Today I plant my feet on determined soil.

 I claim my blessings and face my fears. Let it begin today.

Let me walk with my hopes and dreams in my heart, as I step forward in faith.

For all those ‘impossibles’, it’s time to turn them into the ‘possibles’. Let the walls  come down.

Today I renew my thoughts so that I can start afresh. I will find the positive in everything.

I will be flexible, going into bends and when the boat is rocking, I will still be riding high.

I will wipe out shame and disappointment and create my sunrise.

This is the day of new beginnings. Times of gloom and being defeated are now gone.

It’s up to me to get up and walk, stand up and fight, to face my fears and walk into my triumph.

Today I take life by the hand/; The good, the bad, the in-between. The known, the unknown, the bitter with the sweet. 

Today I walk with purpose and I walk with a mission because all negativity must now flee.

Today I begin to live for me.

As I come into my own, today is the beginning of the rest of my life.

Watch me paint a new canvas and recreate my story. Today I choose my ending as I enjoy the journey between.

Today I live, today I breathe, today I smile.

Lifeline

Sinking so deep
Thinking there is no hope
Seasons of darkness overshadow
You feel weak, you let go.

Just at the right time
A lifeline is thrown
You reach out
Even in despair, your hope outweighs the fear
You hold on for dear life.

With tears in your eyes
Trembling legs
The voice within speaks
Keep going my child
The end is not yet.